Hierarchy of Personalities

Lately I feel like a flake. Well, maybe several flakes. Maybe even one big clusterfuck of flakes.

Most of my blogs have been tied to self-discovery and figuring out who I am as a mom, with occasional frustrations. The problem is that upon becoming a parent, the angel and devil on your shoulder hit the metaphorical boxing ring, and its always a tie (at least for me). I've never been the type to hold back from what I feel, which in turn leads to bloggeria. Sorry.

The bottom line is, my personalities are merging. Macie: The Career Woman. Macie: The Music Lover. Macie: The party girl. Macie: The Mom. I've concluded that motherhood (or parenthood rather) is a step by step process with a hierarchy of "personalities". It goes as such:

Death

Geriatric Insanity

Bipolar merge of personalities

Multiple Personalities/selfishness

I still have a while before I hit geriatric insanity, therefore I will consider myself at risk for personalities appearing at any time, but have narrowed them down to the reappearance of pre-mom Macie, and Macie as a Mom. Someday, with any luck the angel will win. Until then, I figure that it's OK to desire to not be just a "mom" all the time. Thank you to all who've helped me reach that conclusion while reminding me to act responsibly.

In other news, I got a piano. I finally began one of the several novels I had always wanted to write. I picked my guitar back up. I am working again and now have an outlet for my hyper-organizational tendencies. I found my old photographs and fully intend to continue taking and developing pictures. I actually hope to work more with photoshop, I just need a copy of the software since I can't afford it. I've been to the gym. I am indulging in facials and massages. I still shop impulsively. I've been breezing through books, and my vocabulary is increasing exponentially. My typing skills still suck. My old jeans are tight, but they fit (which made me happy because I really don't want to be wearing apple bottoms for the rest of my life). Now I know why "mom" jeans have so much room up top- to cover your "mom" weight. I am a Tetris Master again. I have an incredible son, whose smiles not only melts my heart, but stops the world (my world, anyway).

FYI- No part of motherhood seems to have lessened my attraction to Scott Russo.

I've been thinking some, too. I am curious, what do Santa's do in the off-season? Is there another occupation that requires obese jolliness beside "The Biggest Loser"?
I've also been thinking about antics. Not the Interpol album, (which I like) but antics in general. I continue to indulge in them, and am guilty as charged. Yet, for some reasons, the antics of others grate on my nerves. Lindsay Lohan bounces from Rehab in Vegas to rehab at Betty Ford in Hollywood and the media can't get enough. Here are my future predictions: Britney will end up giving Preston ecstacy instead of Baby Advil and end up in prison. Upon arrival, she and Paris will start a Prison Bible study. Lindsay will crash another car and the world will realize her 30 minutes of fame is 15 more than she deserves just for having a freckled rack. Brad will come to his senses and realize Angelina is a better fling than wife and mother and go back to Jen, whose problems getting pregnant will dominate the tabloids for the rest of 2008. The others, will fall off the tabloid circle and no one will care which Jen is pregnant this month and who signed up for Scientologists of America.

New subject-American Idol: Am I the only person who does not understand how this show is still running? Idiocracy at its finest. That applies to viewers and applicants alike. Overrated: Still Single at 50 Simon's accented egotism. Pretty from the Past Paula Abdul's drama and incessant need to bang half of the top 10. Who is the other guy?

"I know that you would likelike to change me make me softertune your voice like a babyI'm using cautionbet you wanted"~ Cold War Kids