Shoulda Known Better

Every now and again I do something on impulse, and almost immediately wish I had thought the consequences through. Okay, maybe I often do things on impulse. Who am I kidding?

In this case I do not in any way regret my lack of self-control simply because I have a beautiful son as my "consequence". However, that does not mean the situation itself is any less than Springer-worthy. I do know the father; that's a start, right?

Imagine you are twentysomething and off to the dermatologist for your usual checkup. My doc claimed the skin condition he called adult acne was getting better. I claimed the skin condition I call "I'm 25 and over pimples" wasn't to the status of better that I wanted it to be. The solution: Accutane. Sure, it's bad for your system, but hell, I was already using Retin-A, and I would have to use that forever, or go on Accutane for a few months. Accutane sounded good to me. Besides, it wasn't like I was getting botox. People do horrible things for our body to look better. It's the California way. And think of all the money I could save if I didn't have to buy so much make-up.

The nurse comes in with a huge stack of paperwork and we begin the process. She asks a simple question "Is there a chance you could be pregnant?"

"No." Okay, I lied. I knew there was a chance, since I hadn't ever gotten my last period and even though I was on the pill, something seemed off. I hadn't felt the usual crampy, bithcy, bloaty symptoms of PMS. Sure, I was exhausted, but I figured 60-70 hour work weeks will do that to you. Sure, my nipples felt extra-sensitive, but they are pierced and I tend to be a nymph anyway. Maybe the unusually strong sex drive was from frustration. No, that couldn't be it either.

I left the doctor's office actually contemplating what I had been denying for the past month: could I be pregnant ? I assured myself it was just stress, and went off to work. After all, the pill hadn't let me down in 7 years, why would it now? Then again, allowing someone to come inside twice in the same night isn't exactly smart. Pill or no pill....sometimes my actions are just obviously irresponsible.

Cut to: twenty minutes later where I am working away at my cubicle. Fine, I'm playing on myspace, but whatever. At least I'm at my cubicle. Vibrating motions on my desk indicate a ringing phone, and the caller ID reads restricted. At this point I held my breath for a second and answered. "Hello--this is Macie."

"Macie, this is Dr. Scott. I'm afraid I have some unexpected news for you."

That's what you think. Shit. I shoulda known better.